You’ve likely seen some of the impressive textbook doodles from Asia before–and you should definitely check them out if you haven’t–but it turns out that bored students aren’t the only ones filling textbooks with bizarre illustrations. Sometimes it seems as if the publishers themselves were out to troll students with the weirdest illustrations we’ve ever seen.
It’s almost as if these textbooks from Japan were compiled by your pot-smoking high school English teacher and his best friend the alcoholic art teacher…
To begin our journey into the bizarre, let’s start with possibly the most horrifying book cover this side of a Twilight novel. Titled Ningen: Kokoro to Karada (translated as Humans: Heart and Body), this is almost certainly not at all what the publisher expected when they contracted the illustrator. We can only assume that they went with this monstrosity after someone lost a bet at a nomikai.
▼To be honest, it’s the nose that’s freaking us out the most…
Moving right along to other problems with the human body, this is apparently the face of a person who’s gone into shock. We’re guessing that this was actually supposed to be a zombie and someone added sweat and shaking lines in order to meet a deadline.
▼Or should we say: “In order to meat a deadline”?
Sticking with the theme of emotional disturbance, here’s an illustrated guide to the six facial expressions that men and women use when they’re listening. The six emotions are: Sad, surprised, angry, happy, scared, and, for women, love. For men, the final emotion is partially obscured, but it looks like it’s probably “sexual excitement.”
▼This was apparently a print-out from health class.
Which explains a lot about something, but we’re not sure what…
Moving out of the classroom and heading to physical education, perhaps the worst class in school, we have this bizarre illustration. The only way it makes sense that this exists is if you realize it was probably actually created by a PE teacher, because this is apparently a class activity in which students lie on the ground and roll, moving another student over the top of their bodies.
▼Japan clearly needs better screening for their teachers…
Of course, Japanese textbooks aren’t just about emotionally scaring and warping the minds of the youth. They’re also about potentially murdering your friends for losing games of Rock, Paper, Scissors! And you thought Battle Royale was just a work of fiction that served as the “inspiration” for The Hunger Games.
The text for this fun activity reads:
Playing in the water
Rock, Paper, Scissors Diving: Force the loser’s head down and submerge it in the water.
Lift his or her head immediately.
Nothing is quite as invigorating as struggling to breathe, right, kids?
▼”Lift his or her head immediately.” Oh, well, in that case, this seems perfectly safe!
Well, as much fun as drowning your friends is, it turns out that there are other fun things you can do to your best buddies, such as dribbling them like basketballs!
▼Wait, isn’t two hands a foul?
If you’ve now lost all your friends to horrible drowning accidents and bloody noses from being smashed into the ground, you’ll have to entertain yourself. Fortunately, Japanese textbooks have you covered! Here’s an “example of a relaxation session” which seems to be possible only in The Matrix.
▼Something about that expression just screams “agent.”
Once you’re done with recess, it’s time for biology, where you’ll learn about the amazing human immune system. Though we might not recommend taking everything you see in a textbook at face value…we’re pretty sure “hugging to the point of explosion” isn’t how macrophages actually work.
▼Though, we have to admit, it’s been a while since we took biology…
This picture comes without much in the way of explanation. The Twitter user who tweeted it only said that it came from an “information” textbook. Our guess is that this was meant to be an example of a before-and-after commercial demonstrating the power of a detergent.
▼”Detergency so powerful, you won’t believe your eyes!”
In addition to insane detergent advertisements, Japanese textbooks also have a lot to teach us about the dangers of intersections, which are apparently traffic-accident magnets. If your teacher ever asks you what the deadliest weapon on earth is, now you’ll know the answer: Intersections.
▼Why would anyone ever drive again after seeing this?
While traffic rules can be confusing at times, at least you can always rely on geometry to be cold, calculating, and absolute. The formulas may be difficult to remember, but at least you always know what’s going on in the textbook. Or maybe not…
▼Actually, yeah, this looks about right…
And finally, we have this photo of what looks like people in an insane asylum trying to express the voices in their head through interpretive dance. We have no idea what kind of textbook this was from, but we can only assume that the publisher went out of business not long after it was printed.
▼Or maybe it’s just a few kids acting out scenes from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure .
Of course, most of these images are only crazy because of the lack of context. We’re sure that with a bit of context the crazy interpretative dancers would make absolute sense! Though now we’re starting to think that it’s time to make a RocketNews24-branded textbook about biology…
Images: Twitter ( @jiwajiwawara , @shkt17 , @jiwajiwa_kuru ), Twipple , Bokete ( 1 , 2 , 3 ), Twitpic ( @Lilly16xx , @uw_over , @tomatoumauma , @Zhong_candy ), Seesaa