While the advent of social media and the 24-hour news cycle has certainly made us more connected and increased our awareness of…stuff, it also seems to have resulted in a bit of an epidemic of shade-throwing. Whether it’s celebrities putting each other on blast or random Twitter eggs flaming each other, it can often feel like the Internet has drunk deep from the well of haterade.
For the most part, we here at RocketNews24 have stayed out of the fray, but it looks like all that’s about to change. While you may think that our ace reporter Mr. Sato is the coolest, sexist guy in the world, Nakano, another writer for the Japanese side, is going public with why our hero is a total jerk. But the real question is: Should we believe Nakano or is he just jealous? Read on and decide for yourself!
Nakano, one of our tireless Japanese writers, is also the original author of our recent mini-series on Tsukijishijo sushi joints and a frequent companion to Mr. Sato on our beloved hero’s outings. You would think Nakano would be thanking his lucky stars everyday that he has such an awesome coworker, but apparently that’s not the case. It turns out he’s been harboring a bit of a grudge and now he’s coming public with all reasons he thinks Mr. Sato is trash.
We’re sure most of you are incredulous at this point (we were too), but here are his five reasons.
1. Mr. Sato is a disgusting glutton
First, Nakano claims that Mr. Sato loves all-you-can-eat places and enormous servings, but that he suffers from a particular weakness–not being able to eat that much. However, despite this weakness, our hero in spectacles won’t go home until he’s eaten his money’s worth. According to Nakano, this results in Mr. Sato overeating to the point that he’ll often end up in the bathroom puking.
Hey, we all have had instances where our eyes took on a task our stomachs couldn’t finish, so we don’t think this is such a big de–oh, wait, Nakano isn’t done. “Also, if Mr. Sato decides he hasn’t gotten his money’s worth, he’ll just disappear leaving me to pay the bill! I always say I’m never going out to eat with him again, but if I don’t go, he’ll just invite someone else and cause problems for them, so I end up having to go.”
Hmmmm…what we’re taking away from this is that if you want a free meal, Nakano is the chump, sorry, the kind gentleman you should call.
2. Mr. Sato is always delivering information about seedy parts of town
Next, Nakano says that Mr. Sato has quite the manly appetite for love establishments where he gets to talk to lots of women. For example, sometimes they will split up a certain area and spend all night looking for interesting places to write about, but apparently Mr. Sato never finds anything they can actually use. Instead, he just comes up with information about bars with lots of female staff.
“Of course no one tells him this, since he’d get really pissed off, but we call this his ‘Free Walking Guide’” (“free walking guides” are places to get information about certain legal sexual services). We might be mistaken, but we suspect a few of our readers might be interested in this guide…
3. Mr. Sato hates standing in line…unless its for sweets or there are lots of ladies
You might be surprised to learn this, but Mr. Sato hates standing in line . Yes, the guy who has waited days to buy a new iPhone twice hates waiting in line. Seriously?
Nakano has an explanation.
“Mr. Sato usually hates waiting in line, but for some reason, he becomes frantic about being first in line at Docomo when he finds out that [actress and spokesperson] Maki Horikita is going to be appearing. And he’s always the first to get information about sweets and pancake shops where there are long lines of women, and he joins them waiting in line as if he were just another one of their buddies.”
Nakano goes on to say that Mr. Sato loves ice cream and other sweets, so shops that supply him with delicious food where there are lots of female customers are like paradise for him. It turns out that Nakano’s real complaint here is that he’s not getting invited to go along.
4. Mr. Sato loves his booze
According to Nakano, Mr. Sato is always pushing people to drink at parties and putting a damper on the fun. He also apparently spends many hours explaining stuff to junior writers…though we can’t imagine who would complain about having that much wisdom given to them!
5. Mr. Sato has a unique way of eating steak
The final reason Nakano says Mr. Sato is trash is a bit bizarre. Apparently our favorite heartthrob has a unique way of eating steak. Whenever he orders it at a restaurant, he tells the staff that he wants “only salt” on it. Now, you may be thinking, “Hey, maybe he just likes the taste of the meat. What’s the big deal?”
It turns out that Mr. Sato prefers to supply extra flavor on his own–by smoking with the meat in his mouth! That’s right, he’ll take a big bite of steak and follow it up with a puff on a cigarette. He claims the flavor is delicious and “smokey,” but Nakano just thinks he’s a freak and is embarrassed to be seen eating with Mr. Sato.
Well, now we’ve finished this damning list by Nakano, but I have to speak up in defense of Mr. Sato! I’ve spent a little bit of time with the dashing gentlemen, and he has proven to be one of the best people to go drinking with. Or to lead you around Comiket! In fact, I’m starting to suspect that all this is actually just Nakano being jealous of Mr. Sato’s good looks, witty writing, and dashing smile…
Don’t worry, Mr. Sato, I got your back! Nakano won’t get away with this slander!
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